I used to think dating relationships made sense…until I started dating! Guys and girls truly are different. Like speaking pink and trying to understand blue, something always gets lost in translation (I suggest you read the book Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs). I realized this all the more as I began my exploration of this thing called romance. I am a bit of a late bloomer, as it wasn’t until the age of twenty-six that I consecutively dated. I say consecutively, because since my freshmen year of college I’ve had three first dates. Needless to say, none of them got a second chance. Call me hard to get, picky, or princess but I thought my time and heart was too precious to toy with. I still believe this truth. Let me tell you what I learned about men and myself in the process of this past year.
Lesson #1: Men have this amazing gift of charm. They have the ability to make you feel like you’re the most beautiful woman in the world and desirable beyond words. They can cause you to forget about the frown you walked in with and replace it with the kind of smile that Kool-Aid is famous for. By the time some are done, butterflies and Hersey kisses are all that you’re left with. The tough working woman you presume to be turns childlike beneath his gaze. Your thoughts are no longer your own, as you now share them all with him. A roommate to the dancing hopes you’ve planned for your future, a shadow cast that’s big enough to hold you all in it. There’s nothing like it. No explanation for spontaneous smiling spurts and giggles unrestrained.
With this, I discovered that relationships are powerful. However, if that power is not used in the right way, it can be dangerous. Hence the importance of knowing who you are. I understood why my father made sure to tell me he loved me and I was his priceless jewel. I don’t have to search for this affirmation in any man, because my father has already affirmed me. Whether your father told you this or not, it is true. You are loved by your Heavenly Father and you are a jewel in His crown. Knowing this is key. Once this foundation is laid, any shower of sweet nothings are just icing on the cake.
Lesson #2: Men and women communicate differently. He likes to sit shoulder to shoulder and say nothing. I like to face him and pour out my heart. He is activity driven, loves sports, physical affection, and enjoys tearing down computers to build them back up again. I want to sit with him and talk for hours, stroll through Central Park, swap childhood stories, see a Broadway show, make rolled sushi, just have him hold my hand…and maybe it will be for life…
He doesn’t understand why I don’t think text messages count as a valid conversation and it’s just because I love the sound of his voice so much more than cold words on a screen. Work always gets between us and free time never wants to hang around. It seems the more we plan, the more we fail. We’ve written more rain checks than we can cash and in the end, someone’s hopes always get dashed.
Oh, relationships! Through the good and the bad, I’ve come to this conclusion:
Lesson #3: 100% of him + 100% of her will still come out short, unless they have 100% of God joining the two.
I don’t know what you believe, but I can tell you from experience, nothing is possible without God. Not a career, not a ministry, not the conception of a child, not a single breath we take and definitely not a relationship. I do not have all the answers. I do not always understand. The greatest thing is that God does. He knows the purpose He’s called you to and He knows exactly who He has for you.
Every relationship we have with people reflects our relationship with God. What are you reflecting?
Dana Plair is the third of six children from Kalamazoo, MI. She loves to write poetry, short stories and create artwork with her words and brushstrokes. A graduate of Howard University, with a degree in Spanish and Business Administration, she has worked for The United Nations Refugee Agency, Thor Equities, LLC and she currently works for Public Interest Projects in New York City. She has a passion for connecting with people and offering them the tools they need to improve their lives.