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Wednesday Wisdom, Vol. 2, Iss 7

The following is an excerpt from The Other Side of Assertiveness.

Dealing with Failure!

In addition to letting go of the mistaken belief that she is always right, some assertive women  also have difficulty letting go of unmet expectations. In many instances assertiveness is used interchangeably with ambition. This book is not intended to create commentary on whether that assumption is correct. However, this reputation contributes to the challenge of letting go.

The harshness of a certain “f” word is dreaded by almost everyone, and even more so for the assertive woman. For most people, failure is an admission of personal inadequacies. However, to the assertive woman, a goal that seemingly failed to everyone else is simply deferred to her. She understands that a dream deferred creates the perfect opportunity to display her resourcefulness, creativity and resilience. While she is to be applauded for her optimistic view on challenges, it is absolutely necessary that the assertive woman understand that in this regard such a view could be dangerous.

A difficult but necessary lesson for anyone to learn is that sometimes unmet expectations are not always deferred. Some goal may just not be meant to be. I do not encourage  giving up, but regardless of whether you blame a lost opportunity on God, timing, poor planning, or resources, there will be times when goals are unfulfilled. That is the reality of life….(It is important) to recognize when it may be appropriate to let go and when it is appropriate to push a bit further. As a rule of thumb for all women, when you begin to lose weight or your hair, it may be time to let go, at least temporarily. I share this to emphasize that self-management should come before reputation, accomplishments, or fleeting success. I hold the belief that if a woman has good self-management skills, the rest will somehow fall into place.

While it is important to recognize when to walk away, it is equally important to recognize when to persevere. There are goals that would not have come to fruition had I not fought for them. My company, P.E.R.K. Consulting is one of those goals. The key to deciding when to do either is a very personal process. However, when the refusal to let go begins to negatively affect your physical health or emotional well-being, it becomes clear that letting go is the only viable option. Whether this applies to goals, relationships, or your misconception that you are always right, letting go requires vulnerability.

Although it can be uncomfortable to admit one’s vulnerability, it is imperative that the assertive woman is purposeful about doing so because it just might free her for something better.